we’re all FOOLS just waiting to come across a fucking cat on the street. God Bless
im happy i haven’t stopped going on this website. my entire teenage life is on here and i love seeing how much i’ve grown as the years go on haha
i just spent 3 hours going through my archive. i was really special at 15 years old. i was loving, i was funny, i was outspoken and unafraid.
then, a boy happened. and my dad passed away. and a great deal of my identity was marked by self-hatred, insecurity, and sadness.
during this time, i wrote some damn sad shit.
it’s really amazing how far i’ve come. i’m basking in this. my beautiful, raw soul. ever-changing. ever-pure.
i should get back into writing, perhaps about the light this time around.
i never run out of questions.
the deeper i go, the more there is to wonder about.
but i always come to the same conclusion.
i can take a million different detours and ask a million different questions and still, have one answer. one destination.
but of course, it wouldn’t be fun any other way. :)
today begins the last finals week of my life.
i’m super melancholy about the whole thing. i’m a raw human being just trying to embrace the chaotic nature of reality every day. i feel my emotions so intensely that sometimes i don’t know where to go. sometimes it takes me longer to remember to be here. present.
with each passing night i try more to let go and understand and detach and connect all at the same time.
thomas told to me the other day of the 8th buddhic consciousness. its fully embracing the transient nature of existence. everything is changing, all the time, and true enlightenment is reached when awareness of this universal law brings you to a state of intense joy and happiness. you must love it.
i keep thinking about that. i’ve been thinking about a lot of things. my mind is rampant and yet, wants so desperately to just be.
quietness.
but life on earth is rarely ever quiet. rarely ever comprehendable. yet i try.
i think i must understand the cycle of it all. things come and go. understandings come and go. situations come and go. emotions, opinions, perspectives, ideas… are transient.
the one constant thing is the observer, i suppose. it seems simple. to just observe. to just be. even when it is loud.
Idc how I’m viewed. I know me. I’m good luv, enjoy.
